Love Is Patient

Aaaauuuugggghhhhh!

Ok – patience is not my strong point at the moment. Have I told you my 17 year old daughter is pregnant? My patience is being stretched – greatly stretched.

I realized this morning that I am so angry with her on so many levels that I am not even being an effective parent to her. I think I am past being angry over her being pregnant, but what I am being angry over is her not taking care of herself – and hence not taking care of the baby. I just want to scream at her every time she is making poor choices 'you are just proving you are not mature enough to be a parent!!!!!!!!'

But I can't do that. I need to be supportive and helpful and put away this anger. I began reading the book "The Love Dare" this morning. I am reading it for my marriage, but it hit more on my relationship with my daughter today.

Day One is: Love Is Patient

"Be completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing with one another in love."
Ephesians 4:2 NIV

"Anger is usually caused when the strong desire for something is mixed with disappointment or grief."
The Love Dare p2.

I am disappointed that she is not taking care of herself. I really want her to take care of herself because it will show me she is grown up enough to have a baby. I was pregnant at 18 and yet I chose to take good care of myself. It is very frustrating for me watching her. She is not eating right – skipping meals – eating junk (in the name of cravings) when she does eat. She is choosing to go and hang out at her boyfriend's house where there are 4 smokers in a trailer. I want to shake her I want to scream at her. I know I can't do that, but I am not being any better by my attitude and words because my anger is slipping out every time I talk to her.

Patience is about responding positively in a negative situation. I know I can do this. It is clear to me that my anger is driving a wedge between us right now, that it is not helping either of us. I need to get this anger out of me so I can be helpful to her and the baby. If I continue to drive the wedge deeper she may leave my home and then I will not have any influence. I don't want that to happen.

I think part of my anger is she is not doing what I did. We had such similar issues growing up – we were both molested – we both got pregnant early, etc. But that does not mean she is going to react in the exact same way as I did.

    "Patience helps give your spouse permission to be human. It understands that everyone fails. When a mistake is made, it chooses to give them more time than they deserve to correct it. It gives you the ability to hold on during the tough times in your relationship rather than bailing out under the pressure." The Love Dare p2.

This is what I want in my life in all relationships, both with my husband, and my children. It is hard for me. I tend to be one who loses my patience. I fly off the handle, get angry. Lord help me with this. Each day in "The Love Dare" book there is a dare. Today's dare is to resolve to possess and demonstrate patience. More than just biting my tongue, I need to take a deep breath, seek patience and wisdom, and bring mercy to the table. Which of course is easier said than done.

I know that first; I need to apologize to my daughter. I think I might just read the first chapter of "The Love Dare" book with her. We have not done devotions together in a while. Maybe we could both take this book and use it in all of the relationships in our lives. I so want to be connected to her, loving her, and supporting her through this. In order to do that I have to set my anger aside and have patience in this relationship. She is too immature to be a parent. Which means it is my job to rise above, supporting her in the areas that she needs help, letting her run in the areas she is competent in, having the wisdom to know the difference in those areas.

Twenty years ago I knew a woman who was HIV positive. She had a baby who was born HIV positive as well. She did not have custody of that baby for quite a while. I remember watching the foster Mom with the two of them and being in awe. The foster Mom allowed my friend to be the Mom of that baby. She never showed judgment. She had all patience. She allowed the Mom to be the Mom when she could, but was always there in the background, ready to pick up and care for the baby whenever needed. I recognized the incredible art form it was then. She was selfless, patient, kind, loving. I need to give this gift to my daughter. I need to let her be the Mom, picking up every piece (with patience) that she drops, supporting her and allowing her to grow into the role of being a wonderful mother. Lord help me, for I know one thing at the moment – I will never succeed at this without Your help.