Saturday, March 22, 2008

Wake up to a sunny day, not a cloud up in the sky, then it starts to rain

I play worship music in my house continually. I want the atmosphere of my house to be one of praising the Lord. I play it from my computer - I want my computer to always be praising the Lord!

I come down to find one of my favorite songs playing:

It’s the song of the redeemed
Rising from the African plain
It’s the song of the forgiven
Drowning out the Amazon rain

I cannot help myself - I begin to sing and dance and worship the Lord. One of my favorite things in the world is to worship the Lord with all abandon. I need to tell you this only happens for me in privacy! LOL! It has a beautiful African beat to it. I begin to dance allowing my body to move freely to the beat, raising my hands to the Lord.

And all the powers of darkness
Tremble at what they’ve just heard
‘Cause all the powers of darkness
Can’t drown out a single word

Powerful words. I wonder will I ever be a part of moment in time like this. Not just in my church, but I always think globally when I worship to this song. Imagine a moment in time when ALL of Gods children would sing out together in unison around the world. It would be so powerful that in that moment ALL of the powers of darkness would be mute.

When all God’s children sing out
Glory, glory, hallelujah
He reigns, He reigns
All God’s people singing
Glory, glory, hallelujah
He reigns, He reigns

I continue to dance around the room my spirit rising to meet the Lord with every beat, every word, every chord, joining with every other person in the world who in this very moment would join me in worshiping Him as there is no distance in the spirit realm.

I smile, thinking if anyone would walk in and see me dancing around my office in abandon, cranking the tunes, singing loudly - they would think I was a little off my rocker.

It reminds me of an incident a few years ago when in a similar moment of just wanting to dance and worship before the Lord I went to our church on a Saturday afternoon. They play worship music at the church all the time too. I went in, turned up the volume, and started to dance and sing around the sanctuary in complete abandon. In that complete abandon I leapt before the lord as dancers do. It was not a huge leap.

Have you ever seen an athlete on TV - either running, or jumping, when they fell to the ground, grabbing on to their leg. It was just like that. I landed on one leg, heard this pop, and fell to the ground pulling my leg up to my chest hugging it, crying, the pain was instant and huge. As I was falling, all I could picture was the times when I had seen this happen to athletes on TV. It was a surreal moment. I lay there praying for the pain to go away. Eventually trying to stand and 'walk it off' only to realize there was no walking! LOL! (OK - I can laugh at it now - it was years ago!) For 2 more hours I tried to 'walk it off' before going to the emergency room to find that I had ripped the tendon in my leg!

In remembering this and laughing at myself I remember how many times over the years my husband and my daughter have teased me about this. Laughingly warning me to be careful in my dancing before the Lord. Teasing me mercilessly, wonderfully giggling, reminding me that I am in my 40s - not my 20s. (Meaning that I am VERY old!)

Then it starts to rain - my tears.

I wonder if there will ever be a moment in time when they will be able to laugh at me "together" again. What I would give to relive a moment like this with our family intact, happy, healthy. Is healing to this kind of point ever possible? Is bringing our family back together what God wants?

For that is all I want in my life now - what God wants for me and my family. Not one thing more - not one thing less. It is the only way I know of surviving this incredible silent bomb that has gone off in my family blowing everything to bits.

Everyday I am amazed at how a sunny day can turn to the rain of my tears. It is not a bad thing - it is cleansing to be able to cry in those moments, feel the pain, give it to the Lord, and then move on. For that is what I must do.

It is these moments that I find beauty in the breaking. I am amazed myself at the strength the Lord is giving me - for I can say with all truth that it is not my own strength that I am using to walk through each day.

My twins are calling - so full of life, so full of love - they are my greatest healers.


ps - thought I would share a photo. It is in a beautiful collection that a photographer calls Freedom - someday I will have the freedom to jump for the Lord like this! (And not break any bones, muscles, or tendons in the process! LOL!)

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